“Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
When we understand our loneliness and get in touch with it or with that we ‘perceive’ as loneliness, we find out that we are yearning for something which is outside of us. We are looking around and craving to fill that loneliness by various means – by having a relationship (including ones that might be one sided and/or toxic), by adding ‘friends’ to our lives, by filling up our hours with mindless activities, by entrapping ourselves into addictions or by doing a thousand other things that will fill up the minutes in our hours. And at the end of the day when we go to bed, we still have the same loneliness nagging us and freezing our hearts.
When we understand the above, we can then focus our awareness within and understand that we do not need to look out for external ‘things’ that fill our time. When we get in touch with our completeness we understand that we would be OK if we spent time with ourselves without seeking out another. We could enjoy the time spent with ourselves, with a book, a glass of wine and perhaps some music. We could go for a hike or a walk all alone. When one is comfortable with one’s own self – shortcomings as well as strong points – the sense of belonging starts to grow.
Once we stop buying into the notion that one needs ‘someone else’ for fulfillment and completion, life starts to ease up. We stop running after others and craving for company. We no more moan about the lack of a relationship or friends.We stop looking outwards and instead start feeling content and a feel a sense of ownership and belonging within ourselves.We discover aspects of us that we start loving and aspects of ourselves that we lovingly work upon. We start moving towards becoming more self-involved though not selfish. We understand ourselves and in turn the world around us much more than ever before.
Having said that, I must clarify that I am not promoting a social boycott or asking anyone to become a loner. Noway. Go ahead make friends, have fun and by all means share yourself with others. Do it to communicate, enjoy & enrich yourself and others instead of doing that to fill the ‘loneliness’ that you think you might feel, if you did not do all of those things.
Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace.
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