You never really understand a person (2)…

Part 2 of You never really Understand a person

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And then there are times when you climb into the skin of another, wear their shoes and even feel where the shoe pinches – because you see, you both have the same contours on your feet. But you still do not understand why the other person behaved the way they did. So you take the advise that you previously read and imbibed. You do not try to understand them any more but work from that deep place of love within you and accept them. You expand your being and embrace the side of them that is hurting you so. You think the pain will ebb and become more bearable. You wait for it to subside. you wait and wait but it does not. Well, actually sometimes it does ebb and sometimes it does not. After all you are just as human as them.

So now what do you do?

Do you keep expanding and feeling the pain and the confusion as to why the pain does not go away when you are accepting someone from a place of love? Or do you put away your pain and obliterate it from your mind and your being?

You don’t do either.

What you do instead is – this time you understand yourself and look at yourself with the kindness that you would bestow upon another human being in pain. You understand your own self and feel love for this vulnerable person, that is you, who expanded themselves out of their comfort zone and out of their pain to embrace someone who hurt them. You did your best. You looked beyond their capacity to hurt and accepted them as they were. It did not change them or their capacity to hurt.

So now you look at yourself with the same kindness, love and empathy that you would feel, when you looked at your child with scraped knees and big large tears in those beautiful innocent eyes. This was an experience that taught you so much about them and about you.

It taught you to expand yourself and accept another without understanding them. It also brought you face to face with a beautiful new aspect within yourself. It got you in touch with you innermost depths and made you do something that is often not easy for us to do – To accept someone without understanding them.You did it. You held on.

Now it is time to take care of yourself.

You evaluate the pain and the consequences of this pain. You assess the other person and see them for the individual that they are. Do not cut corners. Do not give them a discount. Assess them and then choose if you would like to stay with the pain that you are feeling deep within your soul or would you like to let them go.

If you have chosen to let them go, you have made the right decision. Trust your instinct and let them go. Move away. Distance yourself.

Let go. 

Now.

You have done your part. Now it is time to heal the injured ‘you’.

  Let go of the sadness and the sorrow. The space that is emptied in your soul can be now filled with energy and brilliance of yourself and of those who really love you and care for you. Look around, find and acknowledge those who love you and never want to inflict pain upon you. Feel their love and energize yourself with genuineness and warmth.

Give yourself the time to feel. Give yourself the time to heal.

Be patient. Be generous. Be kind to you. Be all that you would be, towards another who was in pain.

Stay lodged … Stay quiet.
Take time to recover.
Take as long as you need to.
The rain will stop.
The howling winds will cease.
The sun will shine again.

And you will rise and bloom.

 

© Rachna Sharma Sirtaj

 

Related reading : Octagon of letting go

Picture Credit – Internet

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace.

© Copyright 2017. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

Website: http://www.tranquiljourney.co.uk
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Be the change you wish to see

Lost in thoughts

 

(This post targets the hatred and mistrust that the Muslim community is facing all over the world – in view of the Paris attack. There were seven coordinated terror attacks in Paris carried out by militants, killing at least 129 people.)

 

It is saddening to hear generalizations that are being made, about entire communities, based on the ugly actions of some.

In times of crisis such as these, it would help to remember that we have been blessed with intelligent minds (I know I know I am generalizing here) that are capable of understanding a simple fact that – terrorism is based in minds – killing innocent people in Paris, Lebanon, Iraq or lynching a person on the streets because he or she went against your beliefs, raping a little child, because that child was available or abducting girls in Nigeria – each one of those qualify as terrorist activities.

Terrorism is terrorism, in all its heinous, wretched, evil forms. It is a disease of the worst kind and needs to be dealt with and eradicated. No terrorist should be allowed to go scot-free for killing and terrorizing innocent people.

However, terrorism has nothing to do with those innocent others in the community or race who by no choice of theirs, happen to have been born in the same religion/race/community/caste as that of the terrorists. All Muslims cannot be blamed for the horrendous criminal deed of Isis/Daesh…just as all Hindus cannot be blamed for the lynchings that took place because someone happened to eat beef nor can all Buddhists be blamed for torturing and killing Muslims in Myanmar or all Christians be blamed for the Wisconsin Sikh Temple massacre.

Terrorism is a cowardly, destructive instinct that hides behind religion, beliefs and a sense of misplaced entitlement. Anders Behring Breivik, KKK, Al Quaida, Daesh and many more like them are terrorists – All Christians, all Atheists, all Muslims are NOT. They cannot and should not be condemned because some terrorists belong to the same religion of community as them.

Using our beautiful, intelligent minds we can work towards finding solutions instead of spewing hatred over social media. Let us think before we speak or write on facebook/twitter and elsewhere and let us pledge to think twice before we question people and their loyalty. Social Media is free but our words  have value. It is completely upto us to make that value negative or positive.

Let’s choose to be tolerant, aware, magnanimous human beings just as we want our children to be – Let us model the behaviour not just for the times that we are in but also for our children so they can learn and grow up to be large-hearted, magnanimous loving people who can distinguish between a diseased terrorist and a religion/community in which the terrorist happened to have been born.

Today there is pain and trauma that all of us are dealing with – some directly and some indirectly. Many of us are broken-hearted with the violence that took place and the beautiful lives that were lost due to that horrifying, mindless violence – Not just in Paris but in so many parts of the world.

Awareness, Kindness, Understanding and Love might just be the right place to start the healing process.

“Be the change you wish to see”

 

– Rachna

 

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace.

© Copyright 2015. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

 

View all of Rachna’s previously published articles – on LinkedIn

Be the change you wish to see

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Are you…

Disclaimer: This poem is not about me ( I wish it was, but it is not). It is based on feelings that ‘I felt’ when I saw a photograph of a man with his shades on – It was a powerful picture that spoke volumes (to me). This poem is an expression of my perception of his ‘probable’ feelings. And as we all know perception are just that – perceptions !!! But the picture moved me enough to help me create this little poem reflecting – resignation, annoyance, pride, courage, determination, helplessness as well as hope of self-perseverance. For that I am very grateful.

man eyes

You said you wanted to see my eyes

Are you brave enough?
To look into them
Without shuffling on your feet?
Can you bear to see the pain
And not squirm
Or fidget with your scarf?

Will you flinch when you see the raw anger
That oozes out…seeps
Simply because it’s tired of raging
Do you have the nerve to face
Your own sadness
Reflected in my eyes?

Can you stand quietly,
And not drop words
Of sympathy
Like coins in an empty box?
Nor look away
Because you cannot bear to feel my pain

If your answer is – Yes
Then I will undress my eyes
And let yours see thru mine.

 ©Rachna

Picture Credit – From the Internet – Hugh Laurie (Edited by Rachna Sharma Sirtaj)

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace.

© Copyright 2015. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

Website: http://www.tranquiljourney.co.uk
Articles – https://motivatedsoul.wordpress.com/
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Pain of Betrayal

If your heart is trained to look for love & honesty, that is what you will you will find, even in a person who is considered untrustworthy, not-loving (unloving) and not-honest (dishonest) by the rest of the world. You will close your eyes and ears to what others say and accept this person until the rug is pulled from under your feet. You see, that person true to their nature, cannot stop themselves from using their dishonesty against you. Of course this is based on the premise that, you have provided the perfect ground for that behaviour, by being loving and trusting and not taking note of the discrepancies that your logical mind might have picked up.

So. It happened. It was bound to happen. You were hurt. Your heart broke. Now get up…dust yourself off and look ahead.

Forgive yourself. Commend your trustworthy, loving, compassionate heart – for there are plenty of people out there, who appreciate your love and love you back for being the genuine, loving & kind person that you are.

Feel the freedom – because this person, who hurt you, and many others who are similar to this person – will not be able to take you for a ride again, based on your trusting and loving nature. You have been imparted a lesson, a proper life lesson, if you will allow it to be so.

Use this lesson and the pain that you feel deep within, steer you clear of these individuals…not with hatred or vengeance but with compassion & non judgement. Compassion, because they need compassion and you have it in plenty. Non-judgement, because you are no-one to judge, what made them into who they have become.

After the pain of betrayal has subsided, and the bobbing emotions have steadied – put yourself in that place of love that you know exists deep within you. Distance yourself from the painful experience. Allow forgiveness to flow.

It helps to remember – they cannot help their nature – just like you cannot help yours.

Send them blessings (from afar) – Keep calm and carry on.

 

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace.

 

© Copyright 2015. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

 

Website: http://www.tranquiljourney.co.uk
Articles – https://motivatedsoul.wordpress.com/
Poetry – http://rachnasirtaj.wordpress.com/
Quotations – http://motivationunlimited.wordpress.com/
Photographs – http://rachnaphotoblog.wordpress.com/

 

#lifelesson #lessonlearnt #keepcalm #dishonesty #heartbroken #life #love #relationships

 

Over the Edge…

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“THE EDGE, there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.” –  Hunter S. Thompson

The traditional view of ‘going over the edge’ is usually that moment when one absolutely loses ‘it’… has no control over circumstances and self. Those who revert back from that point are determined, resilient souls – definitely very fortunate.

There is however another view of ‘going over the edge’. ‘Going over the edge’ does not have to or always results in the negative. Sometimes going over the edge gives us a new perspective and an insight into our own strength that resides within ourselves. Sometimes going over the edge shouts out loud and says – ‘Hey I made it !!! I survived. I came to the end of all that I knew I was capable of, but I kept going…Even though I was filled with fear and thought I lost ‘it’ … I kept walking – went over the edge … and SURVIVED !!!”

In both the views however, ‘where’ the edge is, is inexplicable…Each persons perception and definition of the edge is different, subjective and unique.

“Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came.
He pushed them and they flew.”

Guillaume Apollinaire (1880-1918)

 

-Rachna

 

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace

 

© Copyright 2015. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

 

Website: http://www.tranquiljourney.co.uk
Articles – https://motivatedsoul.wordpress.com/
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Forgiveness…

7i

 

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace

 

© Copyright 2014. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

 

Photo Credit: Rachna Sharma Sirtaj
Poetry – http://rachnasirtaj.wordpress.com/
Articles – https://motivatedsoul.wordpress.com/
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Photographs – http://rachnaphotoblog.wordpress.com/

It’s okay to be at a place of struggle…

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Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace

 

© Copyright 2014. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

 

Photo Credit: Rachna Sharma Sirtaj
Poetry – http://rachnasirtaj.wordpress.com/
Articles – https://motivatedsoul.wordpress.com/
Quotations – http://motivationunlimited.wordpress.com/
Photographs – http://rachnaphotoblog.wordpress.com/

Don’t let this world make you bitter.

Untitled7

A chance to grow…

New Being Human Collections18
Universe has a way of taking care of our needs.

 
Most of us have experienced times in our lives when we have felt beaten down to the bone, been unfairly accused, unjustly spoken about, felt rejected, abandoned and humiliated by those we love dearly. The pain is excruciating and deep – mostly because people who we ‘love’ carried out this painful behaviour.

 
In our journey of emotional & spiritual growth, it is important to understand that people who indulge in that behaviour and more are perhaps the best catalysts in our lives for us to learn the soul – lessons of acceptance, unconditional love and patience.

 
If we understand their role in our lives, then we would also understand that they are here to teach us acceptance of the human being in them, despite their behaviour. They provide us with an opportunity to learn to love them as they are – however hard a task that might be. They also provide us an alternate or complementary opportunity to stand up for our selves as and when required.

 
When we understand their role in our lives and their contribution to our emotional growth, we are able to look at these souls with a heart filled with love and understanding. We begin to understand that they are unaware of how their behaviour affects us or anyone else for that matter. How can we possibly hold anger or misgiving against people who are saying things or displaying behaviour that is based in total unawareness? How does one stay angry with someone who is completely oblivious of the effect their behaviour is having on others?

 
Having said that, It is to be remembered that we cannot and must not absolve them of their responsibility for their behaviour. Words and actions never form on the tongue. They are born out of a thought process. When someone is obnoxious, rude or plain uncaring in their words and actions towards us, obviously they have made a choice to be that way. They had a choice to be rude, obnoxious, and hurtful OR to be silent (in their actions and words). They had a choice and they made a choice. For example: We have a choice 1) to be furious with their behaviour and retaliate or break- up with them 2) we have a choice to understand their role in our lives and look at the positive outcome of such relationships 3) we have a choice to ignore them, their behaviour and carry on as before.

 
Today we are choosing – ‘choice number 2’.

 
Every choice we make is followed by the consequences of that choice. Sometimes the consequences are thought thru and sometimes they are not. Either ways consequences loom large on the horizon of every single action we take. The fact that these people chose to be hurtful makes them responsible for the consequences of their actions. Each one of us has a choice to act in a certain way – whatever the situation and each one of us is responsible – for the consequences of the choice that we made. I know I am.

 
They choose to be hurtful and oblivious of effect of their actions, we choose to be understanding of their behaviours – whilst experiencing emotional and spiritual growth, and learning to safeguard ourselves.

 
Loving and accepting, those who hurt us with their pain inflicting words and hurtful actions, is our choice…similarly we also have a choice to limit our interactions with them to safeguard our boundaries from getting breached each time we interact with them.

 

You owe that to you and I owe the same to me.

 
As balanced we might be as individuals, whatever professions we might belong to, at the end of the day each one of us is a human being, encompassed with human emotions and fallibility. Just like a teacher may not know all answers all the time, a beautician may have a sudden attack of acne or have a bad hair day, an artist may feel completely deprived of creativity and a therapist may feel completely out of the loop with emotions running amok, there can be enough and more storms that rage within a human heart that are capable of imbalancing a person – whatever the reason.

 
Understanding , acceptance and love is the core that we are all made of. It’s an honour to find that core and work from it as a base for our day to day lives. It’s wonderful to understand those who inflict pain upon us through their behaviour, but it is also marvelous to understand our need to safeguard ourselves by understanding and limiting the toxic interactions.

 
As I said at the beginning of this post, Universe has a way of taking care of our needs – for the universe never abandons its child. This morning as I looked around to find a quote for the readers on my Facebook page – this is what I chanced upon…something that was hidden in my archives and something that speaks loud and clear to each one of us – providing us with the required permissions and affirming our rights in the gentlest ways possible.

 
“You don’t need anyone’s affection or approval in order to be good enough. When someone rejects or abandons or judges you, it isn’t actually about you. It’s about them and their own insecurities, limitations, and needs, and you don’t have to internalize that. Your worth isn’t contingent upon other people’s acceptance of you – it’s something inherent. You exist, and therefore, you matter. You’re allowed to voice your thoughts and feelings. You’re allowed to assert your needs and take up space. You’re allowed to hold onto the truth that who you are is exactly enough. And you’re allowed to remove anyone from your life who makes you feel otherwise.”

― Daniell Koepke

 

Need I say more?

 

©Rachna (Author)

Wishing you a day filled with Lots of Love & an Abundance of Peace

© Copyright 2014. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

http://rachnasirtaj.wordpress.com/
https://motivatedsoul.wordpress.com/

‘Amalgamation’ – A painting (Acrylic on Canvas)

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Depths
Of
Despair,
Pain
And
Sorrow
Submerge.

Forming
An
Abyss;
Within
Which,
Life
Springs.

Deep
Within,
Stillness
Reverberates;
Longing
For
Tranquility.

Flames
Leap.
Waters
Flow.
Life
Goes
On.

The verse above was written to accompany my new painting – ‘Amalgamation’ (Acrylic on canvas) which as you see – accompanies this post. Very often I sense that once completed, my creative process needs a closure. Verses written after finishing a creative project kinda complete the entire process for me. Once that is done, I feel like I am done with what I set out to do and feel enthused about going on to the next project with renewed excitement. I think it helps me de-link from what was and focus on what is. A verse written after a project, to me is a ritual that demarcates the ‘done’ and ‘to-be-done’. Yesterday after I finished my painting…there was this sense of something being left incomplete. The painting was done. There was nothing more that I wanted to add in. So I sat on the couch and looked at the painting from a distance. My i- pad was right next to me and the words almost literally started pouring out. I was done writing within 5 minutes. And once done there was this immense sense of completion and peace that seeped into my being. I have now consciously decided to use my completion ritual for all the paintings I will be doing, in the future. Yay!!!

And oh…this applies to an emotional phase or an emotional upheaval as well. Once the emotions are expressed and cared for, writing kinda closes that bit and allows me to move on with life with a fresh perspective and a sense of closure with what ‘was’.

I hope you enjoyed the poem and the painting … And the revelation of one of my ritual towards ‘conscious closure’.

 

© Rachna

 

Wishing you a day filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace

© Copyright 2014. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

Did you say you were feeling ‘stuck’?

stuck_in_the_vortex_of_lifeWhen you find yourself ‘stuck’ in a situation and find yourself getting frustrated and filled with despair – take a step back emotionally and look at that situation and yourself. Put yourself in a neutral state of mind and emotions just for some time until you can examine the dynamics of the situation. Observe the emotions that arise in you. Look at your response to the situation. Listen to your heart and then listen to your head. Now, as difficult as it might seem – find the positive lesson or resource that you are gaining in the situation that you are stuck in. For example, resilience – when you and everything around you seems to be falling apart…or courage – when you are challenged to the core and yet stay within the scary parameters of a situation and are not reaching out or getting out. Identify the positive lesson that you are learning in the situation that you feel ‘stuck’ in.. Find the resource that you are gathering, whilst remaining stuck. If you cannot seem to identify the positive resource, seek a non-judgmental friend who will help you find and pin point the positive resource that is building up within you, in the hardest of times that you are  going through.

This resource and positive learning is the treasure that you are chasing. Become aware that you are choosing to stay stuck for the time being because your soul is learning the lessons that it needs to learn. You are accumulating the resource/s that you probably don’t have enough of. You are learning your most needed learning by putting yourself through the practical experience of being in a terribly tough and harsh situation. A situation that you can get out of but for some unknown reason you are not doing so. Now you know the reason. This is the time of your learning…your time to grow – emotionally and spiritually.

Focus on the learning that is coming your way. Focus on it when despair takes over. Once you start noticing and focusing, you will find your coffers filling up with lessons that your soul needs to learn and the courage and resilience multiplying boundlessly. Before long you will see the sticky situation you have been ‘stuck’ in is getting less stickier and you are able to get ‘unstuck’ and have more choices ahead. Choices that probably always existed but you did not see them.

Now that you are better aware and in a place where you can understand yourself better, choose to get ‘unstuck’. Choose to retain what you have learnt so that you do not encounter an identical situation again. Choose now to gather your power and move forward in this phase of your life.

Choose love, kindness, patience and forgiveness for yourself.

Choose love, kindness, patience and forgiveness for others.

©Rachna (Author)

 

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace

© Copyright 2014. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

It’s time to change…

BeachChild

Have there been times, when you have received a feedback about yourself that you thought did not fit into ‘your view’ of yourself? Have you ever been stuck in a conversation where you did not mean to say something or use a particular tone, but the other person insisted that you did? Have you ever caught yourself thinking – ‘Yikes…why did I say that’?

If the answer to any of those questions is ‘yes’ then here is a condensed version of an exercise that I have designed and which I use with my clients. It is a simple question and answer module in tandem with a well-known short verse, that might indicate your inner patterns and programming for the basic areas in your life. This module is a concise version. The module presented here or my blog post is in no way to be considered as therapy. This, as my other posts, is meant to be an indicator that directs you to the areas in your inner self that might need your awareness and attention.

The verse that I used here is one of the verses that I have often used in my trainings and workshops. It is a little poem by Dorothy Law Nolte. And oh, that term ‘little’ is a wee bit deceptive.

This exercise requires completely honest answers to some very simple questions. It is akin to standing in front of a magic mirror that tells you like it is. You will need a piece of paper and a pencil right away to keep by your side. Follow the steps of the exercise as you read them…starting now.

(Do not scroll down and look at what comes later on this page)

Exercise:

In your mind imagine – a safe place. A place that you consider comfortable and safe. It could be a spot under a tree, in your backyard or your own room. Now imagine a large mirror descending from the top and being placed right across you. Understand that this is the mirror of truth. This mirror does not allow any pretense and does not require us to wear our mask when we look into it. Take a good long look at yourself in this mirror. Look at your person as it really is. No additions no subtractions.

Now answer each one of the questions that I mention below. Mark a yes or a no on the sheet of paper that you have by your side. Before marking the answer … repeat the question out aloud or in your mind. Close your eyes and look into the mirror. Gather the answer and mark it on the paper. Complete honesty is what we are looking for. Making an answer look good will not help us in any way to get to a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Do I condemn others?Am I often critical of others?

Do I fight often?Do I argue a lot and try to prove myself right?

Am I apprehensive?Do I hesitate initiating a conversation or a transaction?

Do I constantly feel sorry for myself?

Am I shy?

Am I envious of others good fortune or lives?

Do I often feel guilty?

Am I a confident person?

Am I Patient?

Do I appreciate others?

Do I love myself?

Do I like myself?

Do I think I have a goal in life?

Am I generous?

Am I fair and just?

Do I trust easily? Do I trust others ?

Do I think the world around me is a nice place to live in?

Do I have peace of mind?

And we are done. Breathe in and breathe out…..this was just an exercise. No biggie. Every answer made you think and maybe a few made you squirm a little. Scroll down and read the little poem. Time to introspect. Time to remember. Time to put the pieces together…especially the ones that did not fit earlier.

 

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

Dorothy Law Nolte

 If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.

If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.

If a child lives with pity,
he learns to feel sorry for himself.

If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with jealousy,
he learns what envy is.

If a child lives with shame,
he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with encouragement,
he learns to be confident.

If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with praise,
he learns to be appreciative.

If a child lives with acceptance,
he learns to love.

If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with recognition,
he learns that it is good to have a goal.

If a child lives with sharing,
he learns about generosity.

If a child lives with honesty and fairness,
he learns what truth and justice are.

If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith in himself and in those about him.

If a child lives with friendliness,
he learns that the world is a nice place in which to live.

If you live with serenity,
your child will live with peace of mind.

With what is your child living?

So dear one, It is Time to let go of the past. Time to drop the patterns that have been carried over years and years and perhaps even decades. Time to let go of the programming that was instilled in you by loving and caring adults who probably were not aware of the far-reaching consequences of their actions and the effects those would have on your life.

It is essential to remember that there is no need or reason to blame. What is required is the need to take responsibility for your own life today and the attitude that you would like to have as your own. Become aware of the pattern/s and with a glowing awareness change what needs to be changed. Take the responsibility and choose to decide that you will not further these patterns by passing them on further.

Remember you are beautiful as you are. You are an adult and you are responsible for yourself and your life. You can change that which does not fit your life today. You are strong. You are the master of your own destiny today and tomorrow. Take your power and allow yourself to sense it deep within your being.

Let go, change and move on.

Author- Rachna

Picture Card credit:
Rachna Sharma Sirtaj – Healing through Inner Wisdom
Motivational Thoughts

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with an abundance of Love & Peace

Rachna

© Copyright 2014. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

Poem Credit:  CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE – Dorothy Law Nolte

Picture credit: Motivational Thoughts on Facebook

Hidden Gifts – Break-up and beyond (1)

celebrate-green-bobowrap-5

Sometimes relationships don’t work out. People change. Circumstances change. Feelings change. In the case of professional relationships, professional outlooks change. Individuals in relationships may grow intellectually, spiritually and emotionally in different directions and sometimes along the way lose that sense of common purpose that had bound them together. We may take on new ideologies and thought processes that do not fit into the mould of our existing relationship. We have an option of putting our growth, ideologies, thinking and emotions aside and continuing with the relationship. We may feel miserable every single minute we are in there but we can squeeze ourselves into the old mould and continue life without rocking the proverbial boat.

If both (or more) partners are willing then we may choose to work on the issues and sort out the differences that we might be facing in our relationships. Alternately we may seek guidance and help from a professionally qualified person to work through the differences.

On the other hand, people may opt not to be together any more. They may choose to separate themselves from the person, relationship or the business they were partnering in. They may choose to move on with their life and move out of the relationship. Whichever path is chosen, it would be a path that suits the person the best at that time.

My post today is not about the path one can take or how the choices are to be made. That is a super lengthy subject that will be posted here in bits and pieces, reflecting the break-up metaphorically.  This post is about the positive blessings that are possible to assimilate after a break-up.

* We have chosen to find freedom and disassociate ourselves from the behavior and principles that we do not relate to and agree with anymore. We are making a choice and taking a stand for ourselves. We have the opportunity to do this with awareness, thus intensifying the experience of standing up for ourselves.

* There is now a new kind of freedom. A freedom to love and care for the person/partner, without being bound by the dictates and parameters of a relationship. Many deep-rooted relationships do not end with a break-up. They change form and turn into a relationship where there is friendship, caring and communication – sometimes providing what actually went missing when two people were in a committed relationship.

* Love and caring between two people may no more be dependent on reciprocity. We find ourselves doing what we want to do and not reacting to the other person’s actions. ‘He did not do that for me so why should I?’ is replaced with ‘I want to do this for him or I feel like doing this for her.’

* There is an open opportunity to let go of our judgments, about others and about ourselves. After all we went through a glitch in the relationship together. We all have frailties and no one is more perfect than the other. There is little need to waste time judging others or even our own selves. The opportunity to grasp this little wisdom is wide open in this regard.

* There is an unspoken permission that allows us to express the anger that we might have been keeping within…for we feared earlier that letting it out would harm our relationship. Now we are free to talk about this anger to those who understand and express it in safe nooks and corners of our life. Anger is a toxic emotion. Many relationships are sitting atop unexpressed, volatile yet simmering anger…damaging the person withholding it and damaging the relationship as well.

* The opportunity to grow spiritually and emotionally presents itself over and over. To go through the pain, to experience a betrayal or a let down, to feel dehumanized and small, each one of those and more present us with an opportunity to ride the wave of pain, despair and sorrow and get across or lose our balance and get submerged. We have the opportunity to find our balance and walk through the tough times with dignity.

* The good from the relationship can be consciously retained. It can be hard to pick out the good out of all the shards of pain that one has experienced.  But it is not impossible to do so. The emotional payoff we keep can be happy or painful. The choice as always is ours.

* There is an open opportunity to experience the personal and emotional growth by  thanking the relationship and the partner – for love, friendship as well as the betrayal of trust and the let down that we are facing. We learnt a lot through each one of those and more. It is time to thank the person who allowed us to experience that emotional high and low which brought forth so many lessons in wisdom and strength. This gratitude can be expressed when we are ready to express it – NEVER in a haste.

Author – Rachna

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with an abundance of Love & Peace

 

© Copyright 2013. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

Forgiveness – What it really IS.

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Each one of us has been through situation and relationships, where we felt completely run over, made use of, abused or cheated. At one time or the other we have heard ourselves say – ”I will never forgive you” or ”This is unforgivable”.  We have felt trapped within a vortex of emotional surcharge. Our anger, sadness, despair ebbs and flows. We get untimely reminders of that what had happened. We manage to tear up at a supermarket or while watching a movie on tv from our couch. We feel knotted up at the base of our stomach when we think of that person, event, relationship or abuse.

At the end of the day, the person who has suffered the most…the person who has felt the most intense emotional pain is YOU. Not the person who hurt you or abused you. The person who you hold responsible for the pain, may not even be aware that he/she has caused this torment in your life. They probably are living their lives in blissful unawareness of the trauma they caused you or shrugging off the responsibility for that pain. You have a choice. You can continue to squirm and live within the discomfort or you can choose to take the bull by its horns…stare at the intense emotional pain, right in the face and choose to let go. This of course is easier said than done. However, the saving grace is that this is not impossible to do.

Look at the pain and sadness and decide if you would like to keep it with you like a sack of rotting potatoes on your shoulders or you would like to drop the sack where it belongs and move on in your OWN life…with ease and lightheartedness.

Find someone you trust and speak with them. Make sure this person is someone who loves you and cares for you unconditionally. If you feel safer to talk to a therapist/counselor, make an appointment with one and do so. Talk to them. Unburden yourself and cry all the tears that you need to cry…right until the point where you feel lighter and the spot that held the pain, sadness, hurt and betrayal feels empty. Speak to them every so often with the intent that you are moving towards emotional freedom by releasing all the sadness and pain.

Intensify your emotional unloading and journey towards complete forgiveness by reading the right books and the right literature. Indulge in meditation or nature walks. Allow your mind to play out scenarios of ‘what if’. The tall and the short of it is – Do what you need to do to release the pain and sadness…and move on towards healing for YOURSELF.

All through your journey, remember this is not about those who hurt you. This is about you, and your release from the prison that you have created for yourself. You have bound yourself with chains of memory, pain and sadness to that person or situation. You have stopped breathing easy. Don’t do this to yourself !! Release yourself and get back to your life as soon as possible – for each minute of life is passing you by. Grab your life back and LIVE with a smile on your face.

Over a time you will start noticing that when you speak about the person or the event the pain is not as intense as before. This is your clue to know that you are on the right track. Continue doing what you have done that is working. Continue this for as long as required.

Remember, You are heading towards a day when you will recall the person or the event and you will feel absolutely no pain. Well, when that day arrives…that is the spot where if you stand on your tiptoe you can see the shiny bright forgiveness looking back at you from not so far away.

Always Remember:

1.  Forgiveness is Voluntary and Spontaneous.

It is impossible to force yourself to forgive someone when all you can feel within you is seething rage at the mere thought of the person or the event. Real forgiveness comes from within. It comes at a point in time when our mind, body and soul are ready to ‘let go’ of the events that caused the bitterness and resentment. It is possible to motivate yourself to move yourself towards forgiveness. However, It is not possible to force forgiveness out of yourself or anyone else. Forgiveness is the purest form of  a voluntary act of understanding and acceptance.

2. Forgiveness ‘Lets go’.

Forgiveness in its truest sense is ‘letting go’. Letting go has just one known meaning,  and that is – LETTING GO. Once you ‘let go’ There is no trace of grudge or ill will left to hold on to. There is nothing left to bemoan or cry about. True forgiveness is to LET GO and move on in YOUR life. It does not happen when it is forced. It happens when we have arrived at a point where we understand our self and the other.  It happens at a point where we are willing to accept our self and the other without ifs and buts thrown in.

3. Forgiveness is vast, magnanimous & neutral. 

True forgiveness is not all about the other. Neither is true forgiveness all about ourselves.  True forgiveness does not accuse the other; neither does it justify oneself. True forgiveness is that neutral space in mind where there is magnanimity towards the painful event, towards the other and towards oneself. In this vast, magnanimous, neutral space all there is, is a sense of understanding and acceptance – Understanding and acceptance for the other and understanding and acceptance for the self. A true understanding of limitations of the other and a true understanding of the limitations of the self. Once we arrive at this point, there nothing can stop the exhilarating liberation of forgiveness.

4. Forgiveness is born through a deep positive resolution –  within.

Forgiveness lives diametrically opposite anger. They do not make good pals yet they each have a rightful place in our emotional makeup. Forgiveness and anger co-exist, within the folds of our emotional make-up. Forgiveness and anger each exist for their own specific purpose. They emerge as and when the owner of these emotions is ready to deal with them and allows them to emerge. When there is anger there is no forgiveness and when there is forgiveness – there remains no anger.

5. Forgiveness is For-Giving.

Forgiveness is for-Giving. It may not always mean for-Getting. I have broken up the words forgiving and forgetting to emphasize the double deeper meanings they hold within. Just because you are ready to forgive and move on does not necessarily mean that the other person is ready to do the same. It is up to us to forgive and free ourselves of the shackles that we had bound ourselves within.

6. Forgiving has a keen working memory.

When we forgive someone, we are definitely NOT choosing to go into full-blown amnesia about what happened. Memory may keep the picture of the event that caused the pain, or it may choose to simply erase the picture and move on. When we have completely forgiven someone, the intensity of the pain undergoes  a change. We may still recall the event but we may not feel the emotional tug or pain at the recollection. That old story does not hurt us as much as it did before. Depending on the authenticity of forgiveness the emotional pain diminishes or disappears completely. We may meet the same person or people and perhaps even come face to face with the same hurtful situation again. What is interesting to note is that we may deal with the person and the situation in a very different way. The interaction and the behaviour would have acquired another level, which is more comfortable for us.

7. Forgiveness is freedom

Forgiveness allows us to experience freedom that we have never experienced before. We know what had happened; We choose to express our emotions to a safe source, anger and sadness included; We choose to let go of the hurt; In the bargain we choose to let go of the pain. We discover the spot within ourself that is magnanimous beyond belief. We feel complete, happy and powerful. We forgive AND free OURSELVES forever of pain.

Author – Rachna

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with an abundance of Love & Peace

Rachna

© Copyright 2013. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

And you say…

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“To love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weighs you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.”

Ellen Bass

((Ellen Bass is the author of ‘The courage to Heal: A guide for women survivors of child sexual abuse. The Courage to Heal is an inspiring, comprehensive guide that offers hope and a map of the healing journey to every woman who was sexually abused as a child–and to those who care about her. Although the effects of child sexual abuse are long-term and severe, healing is possible.))

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with an abundance of Love & Peace

Rachna

© Copyright 2013. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

Credits: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/73434.Ellen_Bass

Trust Me…

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You are afraid, I would get hurt. You are afraid I may not know my way. You are afraid, I would trust too much. You are afraid my trust would be broken. You are afraid no one will understand me. You are afraid I will never heal. You are afraid I may never trust again. You are just plain afraid – for me.

But trust me. I will trust again and again…for that is my nature. Believe me, I know my way…I am my own compass. Look deep within yourself and know, that even if I get hurt I will heal again… for I cannot be damaged permanently. Understand, that I will get myself understood…for I know how to communicate

And for all this YOU need to trust me. ME. Me – your own heart.

Don’t close me. Don’t shield me from an experience. Don’t teach me to shy away from love. Don’t tell me that the world is a scary place. Don’t make me believe that it is naive to trust another.

For I do not think it is.

The world is a beautiful place. I want to experience being here, now. I want to laugh like a child. I want to cry like the lost soul wandering in the desert. I want to feel the emotions as they are. In their deepest form. I want to be unafraid when I love. I want to give myself completely to another. I want to feel the passion. I want emotions to move me. I want to be swayed by pros and cons. I want to feel confusion and I want to sort it out for myself. I want to smile when I make a mistake. I want to be sad when I am sad. I want to grow as I go along. And believe me this is how I grow…this is how I learn.

For all of this the only person who needs to trust me is YOU.

Trust your own heart. We can be the best of friends. We can experience emotions together, without shutting one or the other out. We can be in balance.

Trust me and you will teach me to trust. Love me and you will teach me to love.

Cover yourself in a silent veil and listen to me. Connect with me. Listen to my rhythm. Imagine me. Expand me. Fill me up with a bright light of love and happiness.

Don’t be afraid of me. Don’t be afraid for me. I am precious but not irreparably fragile.  I am strong. And remember I am YOUR heart.

First and foremost –  I love you.

Author – Rachna

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with an abundance of Love & Peace

Rachna

© Copyright 2013. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

Suffering is not holding you…

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“Suffering is not holding you. You are holding suffering. When you become good at the art of letting sufferings go, then you’ll come to realize how unnecessary it was for you to drag those burdens around with you. You’ll see that no one else other than you was responsible. The truth is that existence wants your life to become a festival.”

Osho (Bhagwan Shri Rajneesh)

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with an abundance of Love & Peace

Rachna

© Copyright 2013. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

Life is All About How you Handle Plan B…

PlanB

“Life is All About How you Handle Plan B

Plan A is always my first choice.

You know, the one where

Everything works out to be

Happily ever-after.

But more often than not,

I find myself dealing with

The upside-down, inside-out version —

Where nothing goes as it should.

It’s at this point that the real

Test of my character comes in..

Do I sink, or do I swim?

Do I wallow in self-pity and play the victim,

Or simply shift gears

And make the best of the situation?

The choice is all mine…

Life is all about how you handle Plan B.”

– Suzy Toronto

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with an abundance of Love & Peace

Rachna

© Copyright 2013. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

Credits: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2039217.The_Sacred_Sisterhood_Of_Wonderful_Wacky_Women

Adrift – Adam Khan … An excerpt.

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Below is an excerpt from Adam Khan’s book, *Self-Help, Stuff That Works*. I think it brings across a very valid point, that there are no limits to the spirit of perseverance in human beings. When activated, an individual’s courage takes him over the toughest mountains and across those proverbial stormy seas. It is all about ‘who’ you think you are and ‘what’ you think about yourself. More on this below:

Adrift – Adam Khan … An excerpt.

In 1982 Steven Callahan was crossing the Atlantic alone in his sailboat when it struck something and sank. He was out of the shipping lanes and floating in a life raft, alone. His supplies were few. His chances were small. Yet when three fishermen found him seventy-six days later (the longest anyone has survived a shipwreck on a life raft alone), he was alive — much skinnier than he was when he started, but alive.

His account of how he survived is fascinating. His ingenuity — how he managed to catch fish, how he fixed his solar still (evaporates sea water to make fresh) — is very interesting.

But the thing that caught my eye was how he managed to keep himself going when all hope seemed lost, when there seemed no point in continuing the struggle, when he was suffering greatly, when his life raft was punctured and after more than a week struggling with his weak body to fix it, it was still leaking air and wearing him out to keep pumping it up. He was starved. He was desperately dehydrated. He was thoroughly exhausted. Giving up would have seemed the only sane option.

When people survive these kinds of circumstances, they do something with their minds that gives them the courage to keep going. Many people in similarly desperate circumstances give in or go mad.

Something the survivors do with their thoughts helps them find the guts to carry on in spite of overwhelming odds.

“I tell myself I can handle it,” wrote Callahan in his narrative. “Compared to what others have been through, I’m fortunate. I tell myself these things over and over, building up fortitude….”

I wrote that down after I read it. It struck me as something important. And I’ve told myself the same thing when my own goals seemed far off or when my problems seemed too overwhelming. And every time I’ve said it, I have always come back to my senses.

The truth is, our circumstances are only bad compared to something better. But others have been through much worse. I’ve read enough history to know you and I are lucky to be where we are, when we are, no matter how bad it seems to us compared to our fantasies. It’s a sane thought and worth thinking.

So here, coming to us from the extreme edge of survival, are words that can give us strength. Whatever you’re going through, tell yourself you can handle it. Compared to what others have been through, you’re fortunate. Tell this to yourself over and over, and it will help you get through the rough spots with a little more fortitude.

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with an abundance of Love & Peace

Rachna

© Copyright 2013. Tranquil Space Limited. All Rights Reserved

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