You never really understand a person (2)…

Part 2 of You never really Understand a person


And then there are times when you climb into the skin of another, wear their shoes and even feel where the shoe pinches – because you see, you both have the same contours on your feet. But you still do not understand why the other person behaved the way they did. So you take the advise that you previously read and imbibed. You do not try to understand them any more but work from that deep place of love within you and accept them. You expand your being and embrace the side of them that is hurting you so. You think the pain will ebb and become more bearable. You wait for it to subside. you wait and wait but it does not. Well, actually sometimes it does ebb and sometimes it does not. After all you are just as human as them.

So now what do you do?

Do you keep expanding and feeling the pain and the confusion as to why the pain does not go away when you are accepting someone from a place of love? Or do you put away your pain and obliterate it from your mind and your being?

You don’t do either.

What you do instead is – this time you understand yourself and look at yourself with the kindness that you would bestow upon another human being in pain. You understand your own self and feel love for this vulnerable person, that is you, who expanded themselves out of their comfort zone and out of their pain to embrace someone who hurt them. You did your best. You looked beyond their capacity to hurt and accepted them as they were. It did not change them or their capacity to hurt.

So now you look at yourself with the same kindness, love and empathy that you would feel, when you looked at your child with scraped knees and big large tears in those beautiful innocent eyes. This was an experience that taught you so much about them and about you.

It taught you to expand yourself and accept another without understanding them. It also brought you face to face with a beautiful new aspect within yourself. It got you in touch with you innermost depths and made you do something that is often not easy for us to do – To accept someone without understanding them.You did it. You held on.

Now it is time to take care of yourself.

You evaluate the pain and the consequences of this pain. You assess the other person and see them for the individual that they are. Do not cut corners. Do not give them a discount. Assess them and then choose if you would like to stay with the pain that you are feeling deep within your soul or would you like to let them go.

If you have chosen to let them go, you have made the right decision. Trust your instinct and let them go. Move away. Distance yourself.

Let go. 


You have done your part. Now it is time to heal the injured ‘you’.

  Let go of the sadness and the sorrow. The space that is emptied in your soul can be now filled with energy and brilliance of yourself and of those who really love you and care for you. Look around, find and acknowledge those who love you and never want to inflict pain upon you. Feel their love and energize yourself with genuineness and warmth.

Give yourself the time to feel. Give yourself the time to heal.

Be patient. Be generous. Be kind to you. Be all that you would be, towards another who was in pain.

Stay lodged … Stay quiet.
Take time to recover.
Take as long as you need to.
The rain will stop.
The howling winds will cease.
The sun will shine again.

And you will rise and bloom.


© Rachna Sharma Sirtaj


Related reading : Octagon of letting go

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Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace.

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And the page turned..


Changed homes
Changed cities
Changed life


Twin Towers to Ground Zero

Home changed
City changed
Life changed

Now familiar

I have moved on..

Or have I ?

I wrote these lines when I first moved cities as a grown up.

It was a move within India, from Hyderabad to Bangalore.  It was not my first move though. My parents had moved from Madhya Pradesh to Hyderabad in Andhra Pradesh when I was 8 and my little brother was 4. Even though little, it was not an easy move for me and I am sure neither was it for my brother. A lot changed and simple coping mechanisms were developed in their own unique ways by 2 kids, to survive the massive change. It was a not an easy move for a child who came from a Hindi speaking state and school to move into an English school and Telugu speaking state. A lot changed – personally, academically and socially. But of course when you are thrown into a cauldron of soup, you kinda learn to warm up slowly until you reach that level where you are deliciously perfect.

My second Move was from Hyderabad to Bangalore. Bangalore, a city that despite the initial discomfort became home in true sense. A city that allowed me to grow up professionally, emotionally and spiritually. Life got awesomely beautiful with my little bubba , my son, who filled my days with sunlight. Soup continued to simmer.

The third move was from Bangalore, India to Munich, Germany. Once again the primary changes were the language, social interactions and profession related. All good – Cauldron churning at the best temperature – almost mid way.

A dash of creme and some herbs to bring out the flavours & add the mellowness to that soup in the making. Here comes the fourth move. This time from Germany to England. Unexpected yet known and anticipated at a deep inner level. Its been almost 25 days and the physical settling in is happening.

By now I know that this is a passing phase.

It has been amazingly interesting to stay in the present and know that it is turning into the past.  I literally feel the pages of time turning over and its an extraordinary feeling.  I cannot explain this experience, just like I cannot explain to anyone what ‘sweet’ tastes like. The frequency needs to be tuned into to go thru this experience and that dear friends, is a matter of time.


© Rachna Sharma Sirtaj

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love and an abundance of Peace.

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Fear – That monster under your bed


Fear holds us back…more often than it should. Fear restricts us and places boundaries on that, which we are perfectly capable of achieving. We have learnt that it is safer to fit into the contained mold of known emotions, known territory, known work/job criterion. We have learnt that trying something new or choosing something, that not many others choose, is risky.

Safe is traditionally what we do…despite the innumerable examples that we see, read and hear about otherwise. We choose to obliterate the methodology and the realness of people who have stepped out of the safe boundaries despite their fears and apprehensions. We categorize them as ‘brave’ or ‘lucky’. We choose to revere them and say – “Wow, I wish I could do that !!” Well, why can’t you? Who stops you from achieving what you ‘want’ to achieve? Who is holding you back?

I think successful people are not fearless or unafraid. I think successful people choose to keep going, despite their fears. I think success depends upon how well one is aware of one’s fears. It also depends upon how well one understands these fears and deals with them.

It is alright to know that there is a monster under the bed. Being aware of the monster under the bed, allows us to prepare ourselves to deal with that very monster under the bed, and identical ones that might appear thru the night. Similarly it is alright to have fears and to be aware of these fears. Being aware of our fears allows us to prepare ourselves to deal with these fears and other identical ones that might appear as life goes by. Being aware allows us the following choices 1) deal with the fears 2) let go of the fears and 3) sometimes just make peace with them. Awareness is the most powerful tool we possess, towards making a change. 

In the words of the wise – “A further sign of health is that we don’t become undone by fear and trembling, but we take it as a message that it’s time to stop struggling and look directly at what’s threatening us. ”  – Pema Chödrön

So, It is alright:

To have fears.

It is alright to be aware of your fears.

It is alright to choose to deal with your fears.

It is alright to let go of your fears.

It is also alright to make peace with your fears.

What is not alright is:

To continue feeding your fears

To continue staying frozen by your fears

To continue walking a few steps behind everyone else, due to your fears


To continue staying still because of your fears.



Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with an abundance of Love & Peace


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Ripples of truth



And just like that the dream shattered.

Even though she had suspected for a while that it would, the sound of the crash was louder than she had expected.

Here is the thing about broken dreams. They are not easy to deal with. They crash and they scatter all over, creating a big mess that needs to be swept up. Sometimes the saving grace is  that people understands this particular sorrow of loss. In reality they may have helped bring on the process of shattering or even actually taken over and shattered the dream. But when they see you standing in silence and and looking at those scattered pieces, tears streaming down your cheeks – they sometimes do understands. At times you also get lucky enough to have everyone step back and allow you the time to mourn the loss.

In this respect, she got lucky. The world stepped back and allowed her the space to absorb the sight of those little bits and pieces that her dream had shattered into. Thru the haze of her misty eyes, she could see her reflection, her ambitions, her plans and her future in each one of those tiny pieces. Potentially this would have been a good time to sink into a depression or have a nervous breakdown – like the books suggested or the umpteen number of movies portrayed. It would be easy and everyone would actually understand. She could withdraw from all the pain that surrounded her being, and retreat into the gentle white softness of silence.

She felt alone and unsupported. It seemed like everyone had given up on her. She felt completely written off – devoid of potential or a possible future. There is something about the lack of ‘show of support’. If it does not happen at the right time – it becomes ineffective, like medication that has passed its expiry date. In her case, the lack of ‘words of support’ gave rise to a silence within her being, that she found strangely peaceful. It was a space where she could experience and see everyone as they were. No layers of words to cover up their real thoughts – no pretense of love. Just plain indifference that she found easy to accept. This actually seemed really nice. She liked the feeling. It was akin to wearing no makeup – which she disliked wearing. It felt like being alone  in nature, under the sky – in her minuscule spot in the universe. A spot that belonged to her.

And then, in that silent space, something magnificent happened. Amidst the sounds of her dream crashing and reverberating loudly – there were ripples of a stark realization that echoed into infinite loops, through the eternal vastness of the universe.

She had not yet given up on herself – not yet.

She had not written herself off

This is what mattered.

This is ALL that mattered.


Author – ©Rachna Sharma Sirtaj


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Dear Human … You’ve got it all wrong




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Pain of Betrayal

If your heart is trained to look for love & honesty, that is what you will you will find, even in a person who is considered untrustworthy, not-loving (unloving) and not-honest (dishonest) by the rest of the world. You will close your eyes and ears to what others say and accept this person until the rug is pulled from under your feet. You see, that person true to their nature, cannot stop themselves from using their dishonesty against you. Of course this is based on the premise that, you have provided the perfect ground for that behaviour, by being loving and trusting and not taking note of the discrepancies that your logical mind might have picked up.

So. It happened. It was bound to happen. You were hurt. Your heart broke. Now get up…dust yourself off and look ahead.

Forgive yourself. Commend your trustworthy, loving, compassionate heart – for there are plenty of people out there, who appreciate your love and love you back for being the genuine, loving & kind person that you are.

Feel the freedom – because this person, who hurt you, and many others who are similar to this person – will not be able to take you for a ride again, based on your trusting and loving nature. You have been imparted a lesson, a proper life lesson, if you will allow it to be so.

Use this lesson and the pain that you feel deep within, steer you clear of these individuals…not with hatred or vengeance but with compassion & non judgement. Compassion, because they need compassion and you have it in plenty. Non-judgement, because you are no-one to judge, what made them into who they have become.

After the pain of betrayal has subsided, and the bobbing emotions have steadied – put yourself in that place of love that you know exists deep within you. Distance yourself from the painful experience. Allow forgiveness to flow.

It helps to remember – they cannot help their nature – just like you cannot help yours.

Send them blessings (from afar) – Keep calm and carry on.


Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace.


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#lifelesson #lessonlearnt #keepcalm #dishonesty #heartbroken #life #love #relationships


Knowing When To Let Go


This wonderful person literally speaks for me … sometimes connecting beautifully with the frequency that my mind might be percolating at. Her wise words provide insights to many and soothe many hearts. I absolutely love her writing style and her words. Here is an update from this beautiful soul –  Oriah Mountain Dreamer.


Knowing When To Let Go

Sometimes, even when we make a choice that is good for us, good for our life, perhaps even good for others, there can still be loss and sadness.

Recently, I let go of someone, quietly stepped away from a friendship. I told the truth, told them I simply did not have the energy for what was happening between us, or would have to happen- need to be talked about, sorted out, resolved, agreed to- for the friendship to continue in a real and authentic way,

It was the right choice. I really don’t have the energy to bridge the chasm that had opened up around behaviour that was, to me, inexplicable. I don’t think the behaviour was intended to be hurtful. It was an expression of something that was probably true for the other on some level. Although it was directed at me, I don’t think it was really about me at all.

And I could be wrong about all of that. Maybe the behaviour made perfect sense, and maybe it was about me, I can’t really know for sure. But I did know that the distance it created would need to be bridged for continued connection.

One of the gifts of having had a chronic illness for many years is that I know how much energy things take and whether or not that energy is available to me in the present. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to heed this knowing, to accept when I cannot do something without consequences for my health and to the detriment of other areas of my life that feed my heart and soul.

But knowing when I can’t do something, knowing I need to step away, doesn’t mean I don’t feel the loss. I do.

When I was younger, to remove myself I had to make the other wrong, had to churn up anger and muddy my memories with reminders of real and imagined slights and hurts. Of course, the downside of not needing to do this, of simply knowing when it is time to step away even as I appreciate the places where we touched each other, shared laughter, offered support in the past.. . . . is that the loss is felt fully- an ache I meet with prayers for the other, hopes for their happiness and well-being.

Learning to let go when the time is right. Knowing what we really can and can’t do and accepting this. Being willing to take responsibility for our choices. Telling the truth. Not needing to make the other wrong. Feeling the loss, letting the sadness that arises keep the heart soft when the other comes to mind. Being willing to feel it all. Remembering that the future is unpredictable.

I am so grateful for the connection that was, and I feel blessed to have let go when the time was right.

Not easy. Not excruciating. Just life as a human being.

~Oriah Mountain Dreamer (c) 2014


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It’s okay to be at a place of struggle…




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Photo Credit: Rachna Sharma Sirtaj
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An eye contact

A flicker of pupils

Background noises, dim

Sounds seem softer

An unspoken language conveys what a thousand words can’t

And everything makes perfect sense

A stop in the journey

Time stands still

And in a heartbeat

An eternal connection is revived

©Rachna (Author)

Wishing you a fabulous day ahead…filled with Lots of Love & an abundance of Peace

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